Beansies' Michigan

Fran and I have re-instituted Senior Citizens' Matinee on Tuesday. That's the first showing in the afternoon attended by the Old Farts like us. You get to hear the dialogue twice at these movies because Harry, (me) frequently asks Harriet, "What'd she say?" So this last Tuesday we went to see Woody Allen's Blue Jasmine.  Since we were going right by Beansies' we figured we might take the opportunity to try a Michigan.

Since 1944

The Presentation

A Michigan is a steamed hot dog on a steamed bun with the usual suspects for condiments and the addition of Michigan Sauce. This sauce falls somewhere between beanless chili and Sloppy Joe out-of-the-can. A review of the recipe literature suggests ground beef as the base and  tomato sauce/paste, hot sauce, chili powder, cumin, worcestershire as basic seasonings. The variations are infinite as is the potential to cross the line into a Chili Dog, Coney Dog, Texas Red Hot, etc.. The opportunity to just plain screw it up are also infinite: less than the finest ingredients: flavors that don't harmonize; textures layered wrongly; an edifice that will not hold together.....

The dog is hiding, bad dog!

I am sorry, no, loath to report that Beansie's Michigan was a sad disappointment.  The McKenzie hotdog, ubiquitous to the point of monopoly here, is a casing-less, conservative, boring throwback to the old Vermont which voted for the Republican Presidential candidate in every election from 1854 to the 1970's (with the exception of Goldwater in 1964). Kayem Foods, McKenzie's producer, seems to have the same kind of stranglehold on Vermont that the Republican Party had until the Supreme Court's One Man, One Vote rulings of the 60's were applied to state and local legislative bodies. (Since then Progressive Dems have pretty much run the state. Unfortunately, mandating a decent hotdog is pretty far down the Liberals' list of priorities behind keeping Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, Walmart and the F-35 Joint Force Strike Fighter out of Vermont. (See my next post coming soon:  Keeping Vermont Weird)

A bland hot dog deserves an insipid bun like Barbie deserves Ken or Ann deserves Mitt. Beansie's buns are both bland and insipid. There is absolutely no excuse for a bad bun here. Remember, folks, we are in New England- the birthplace of The New England Style Hot Dog Bun.

You add the caption. I'm not going to touch it.

A technological marvel. Think about it.

If you can't have your lobsta roll on a bun like this, don't have it at all!

These buns, also known as  top-sliced, top-loading, or frankfurter rolls, were created at the request of the Archangel of Automobile Travel, Howard Johnson.  He spread word of them  across the nation  by way of his clamstrips minions. Buttered and toasted until their sides stand straight and tall, New England Style Hot Dog buns are the pre-ordained home for clams, lobster and franks. Any other bun is apostasy (save for the sesame seed bun on The Chicago Dog or a brioche bun).  Bold foods topped with brazen condiments need buns with balls. Put a Vienna Beef dog on that bun and it will slink from shame back into the steamtable. Beansie, get a bun!

Among the condiments the chopped onions were the best. They were fresh, crisp and just the right size to counterpoint against a bite of the dog (had it been worthy.. ) The pickle relish was, ah, pickle relish. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that at least 1 Vermonter per year was killed in an avalanche of fresh-from-the-vine pickling cucumbers. If you're going to "locally source" mediocre hotdogs at least locally source first rate relish. 

Alas, the Michigan Sauce was dry almost to the point of gritty. It is advertised as "spicy" but I tasted bitter after notes. Perhaps the dryness can be attributed to the fact that the bun "couldn't stand the truth" of a real sauce sauce without disintegrating. Disappointing.

I ordered my Michigan with the works. So I really can't blame Beansie's for the drizzle of ketchup, or was it catsup, on top of my Michigan. Now, IMHO, ketchup on a hot dog is like, like, like salsa on the Host at Mass or a spritz of lime in the Sacramental Wine. It's just wrong, as my sister would say. Now, I know that some of you do put ketchup on your hotdogs. My wife, unbeknownst to me when I married her, puts ketchup on her hotdogs and my son inherited the gene. And I certainly would not want to generalize about the character of people who put ketchup on their hotdogs. I'm sure many, if not most of you, are wonderful people who care about your children and your country. So just stop it! Ketchup as a component of the Michigan Sauce is one thing but ketchup as a standalone condiment on a hotdog, No.

The search for the eidos of Michigans  will move onto Plattsburgh, New York next month with the advent of the Apple Harvest. We will leave Beansie's with this positive memory. The hand cut French Fries were very, very good. They not only maintained their crispness integrity for the duration of our Michigans, but they would have persevered through a second Michigan had  that been warranted.